yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I could fuck to npr.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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