he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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