I was born with a shot glass in my hand
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
