Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
