Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
