This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just google imaged poop.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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