do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
