why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
