Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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