Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
