Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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