I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
