I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
