I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
