This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
