Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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