i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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