Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
