worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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