Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
