You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
