They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
