OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
