Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
