the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
