but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
