My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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