my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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