I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
