Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
