It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
