we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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