I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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