Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
