Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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