i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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