if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
