Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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