Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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