Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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