I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
