i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
