So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
