A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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