he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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