one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
