Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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