I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize