Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
