i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
