hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
