I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize