she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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