I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
