There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize