Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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