writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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