Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
