And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fill condoms, not promises.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
