so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
