i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
