so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
