Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
