This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
