I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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