i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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