I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
